I need God more and more.

Many things to do and there are many reflections that I don't feel like pen them down and don't even want to leave any mark on the net.

After about 6 years of living in KL, one major difference I realize is less thing can be done in KL within a day compare to Penang island.

I used to be able to follow mummy and get most of the things done. Everything can be done as soon as possible if what you need to do is before 8pm. Plus, the shop and places we go are good, reasonable and honest business people.

Living in KL, there must be the thoughts first. You will have a lot of things to do in your hand. You will have to make a time to make it happen. Secondly, the shop you prefer might be 30 or 45min away from your house. Or need to pass few tolls to reach there. Secondly, different area has different price for certain items.

Second different thing is Penang is traditional British style and simple minded. KL has so much to offer and it has a lot of variety. From smoothing to hot spicy.

In Penang, you can have a slightly above average income and have above average house and eat well, wear well and live well.

In KL, you can have good income but cannot guarantee you have good house. The tendency to spend on good clothes and phone is high. In Penang, rich people are really willing to spend on branded perfume, handbag, and phones. However, in KL phone is cheaper but KL people have to spend higher price for clothes for social demands.

I am in between. Sometimes I cannot breathe. Someone comes to the house and we all start chatting. I am weak in the head therefore the will to do something is weak. I forgot what I wanted to blog.

The most important is God. I only see hopes in Jesus. I see that only He can bring us to the things that we cannot imagine and only He will be your best best friend forever.

Popularity down turn

It is painful to see some photos that trigger some sad memories.

I was there but I was not in their hearts. I felt left out. The pain and sourness that I have now shows how hurt the incident has done to me.

I feel the more I live the more I am alone. Does my other course mates or school mates or the friends I used to meet at tuition centre feel the same? I don't have much high school friends. The few, who were very closed to my heart, are either in the State pursuing their dreams or in Penang and left me forgotten in their mind.

Does my other friends feel the same? But I see that they are as though acting very happy and excited. When we dine together, they don't even mention a single bit of their problem. Everything seems to be very cool, very good and they are very wealthy.

Did I or do I smaller my circle of friends? I consciously do it or unconsciously do it? I rather do work and work hard rather than chat much with big group of people. I guess that is why I am not popular. I don't know how to socialise. Sigh =/

I only feel Jesus is my best friend. Well, God is still good to me at least when I sign into facebook, I have many post appear on the page. I have faithful darling writes on my wall.

I am not popular I am sure. I have few friends left on earth. My goosh. What should I do? Who can or how to help me? =,<

Make new friends and brew the friendship to be truthful friends

I realise that I don't have friends. I don't have much friends at all. Emo-ed. Feel sad. But there is a tiny voice inside me telling me again and again, it is ok God is with you and Jesus is your friend. I feel very emo. Almost cried. Feel that I have forgotten. I don't blame anyone because I know that I am not a sociable type or party animal. My absent makes others don't keep me in mind. Fire will turn to flame and vanish.

I felt hurt. It is tough when he is not around to cheer, listen and accompany me. I can't wait for 4th Dec.

I put my heart and soul on work and love the children. I love them very much; at the same time, taking measured steps to keep a distance from them so that I won't be heart broken when they grow up one and leave my centre. Secondly, most importantly, when I put my heart and soul in it, every day is a walk of faith and every moment God is getting more real than ever before and God is getting closer to me like never before.

Looking back, I did not loose much but I gain better relationship with Jesus who is my true friend. I tell myself to let go and know tell myself - I loose old friends and some friends who forgotten me but I will make more new friends and good truthful friends.

When Boon Aun says, "Forget them la, you have us." My heart feels so warm. Warm-ie pengu family ;)

Thank you God for letting my mind and heart see it.

It has been a long time since I last been here.

Everything seems like transitioning,
every day seems like only God and I walk together,
every day feels like enemies are near four sides of me,
every step gets me to fall and get up to learn more;
every breathe seems to be of valuable, and every words and thoughts have been important.

Every moment sounds like in trouble.
More like what?

I am numb by the confusion.
I am annoyed by the insecurity and fulling other people's demands most of the time.
I like the stretching.
I like the punching.
I like the limitation that makes creativity comes out the show the way.