saving navy

When I heard the news, it was two months ago. Ever since then, every day I tell myself I must try to save. However, I will not be stingy but only will be wiser in spending.

Speedless. Felt down for some time. Thinking of why. On the other hand, I am the best person in the best position to understand the circumstances. Have been stop asking why. Knowing that God is in control and the programme will not be closed down and He who is almighty will prosper it.

Next month onwards, finance will be tighter. I do not want to count the percentage of going down but I want to continue to give thanks and cry out to God for shelter and blessing.

I have to hide the shopping list for phone, laptop and clothes. They shall not be 'viewed' at all. It is hard especially I am in need of a good and friendly user phone. In my opinion, in time like this buying another gadget definitely is luxury. I must not indulge in luxury.

Dillemma II

Is it fair? It is not fair. I am watching a dance show on tv that tells me the winner is not the best and worst not great enough to be called the top 3.

Fake is the word. It was done so fast and without hesitation the winner would go to the top and then without any further evaluation they won. What is the system? No system? Where is the quality? Quality is in the head of the egoistic heart.

I feel that it is a disgrace to the nation. The people 'they' favour will be the chosen one whereby the most qualify one is left behind. It has been happening in the nation from politics to education to civil service and now to the dance show. I feel disgusted and annoyed. We are not civilised. Going down to the same par with military country.

Dillemma

Looking at my phone and laptop, it says that I should change either one of them. My hand phone has not been user friendly anymore and it gives me ear pain whenever I answer phone calls. Also, it does not look cool anymore. Secondly, it is my laptop. It is solid, water proof and unique IBM. The company no longer produces this type- it is believed to be the best. Thank God for this laptop. However, it is really not fast enough for me to cope with my work and I no longer can carry it around like I used to. The battery is dead. It is totally not convenient and user friendly.

Longing for a good and user friendly phone yet must look cool. Longing for Ipad- the dream laptop I have been always wanted. It was as though a dream but when Ipad came out I have goosebumps because I always think that a cool laptop should be like that.

Dreams are always dreams. A cool phone can easily costs up to 2k or 3k. I would spend so much for phone for phone price drops easily and rapidly. The cool and good phone on the market is 1.3k to 1.5k and that is consider cheap. Honestly, I do not wish to invest so much on phone. I rather save half of the money and spend only about 700 or 800++ for a good phone. My insight tells me to save but my the other sight tells me that I really need to do something about it.

I want a laptop. Almost buy the Lenovo mini until I watch the ads of Ipad. My taste bugs tell me only go for Ipad as the rest of the computer in the market are out dated except for Apple, IBM and etc.

Open my wardrobe, I am once again suddenly conscious that I need to go for shopping. My body gives me trouble to find suitable clothes. Sometimes it is not about money or brand, it is all about my body and I reject many style simply because I do not like it and they do not look good on me.

These factors always make my day not bright anymore and confident level goes down. Do you feel the same sometimes? I feel it most of the time.

My blog has been a place for me to say this breath and this moment of feeling. I do not know how and why. I was advice that I just gotto to let it happens and go through it.

Why?

Four things I fear most of the time:

1# Being treated with rule manner such as being yelled at and accusation.

2# Wait for answer and payment

3# Easily tired and fatigue

4# Running out of supply especially stationary

The last fear I can overcome it most of the time and God has never fail to provide me enough. However, the top three fears always visit me day in and day out. Sometimes they win, sometimes I win. Recently, I experience a lot of their visit in every corner of my life.

I ask God have I not been faithful. Did I ever owe God anything that I forgot to pay Him back? Why do I have to go through all these? Why and for what?

Others did not need to go through all of these and sometimes they even demand without feeling what is shameful and their moral values. Have I not done what I should do? Why I have to go through all these?