Love. BOLD

I need love.

I slept and slept for the past two days. I went for check up to ensure that I was not affected by any unwanted virus.

I felt very lonely recently. I never want to throw any emotion to you. But, sometimes I just cannot help it. I do not know what is lack in me. I do not know. I feel that I need to be loved not left out. I need to feel that there is always someone who supports me at work and also at home.

My hormones run up and down recently. As a result, I need to feel more than I used to. I just need to feel it. I need it so badly. Feel loved, feel companies and feel cared.

I give my best to my students and my family. Do you know? Do you feel it? What is lack there? Who can love me too? God... are you there? Do you know all the bitterness and fear I face every day and week? SOS SOS SOS

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I can't stand it anymore. I let it out. I cried. Standing outside the house. Felt lonely and left out. I didn't blame anyone. It is the life I am living now.

I cried. Didn't care whether neighbours heard it or not.

Is it because I have never grow up? I am childish? I am coward?

I sent out sms to ask for help, support and prayers. Those that I count on really replied me. The one phone call and one message have spoken so much, so much to my heart.

I continued to cook my maggie mee. SH*T ~~~!!! I forgot how to turn on gas! Which button was supposed for which one! So much of lesson plans and so much of talking and teaching but I forgot HOW TO TURN ON GAS!

I tried. Failed! Heard frizzly sound but didn't know where it came from.

I gave up.

Looking at the maggie mee packet that I have opened. Looking at the hot water I have poured into the bowl to 'soak' my mee.

Everything turned silent for a moment.

Suddenly, I prayed out loud. 'God, you must help me. It is my attitude. I need to be BOLD.' I went to turn on the first button and tried to put the fire gun near to the stove. 'Just try la, so scared of dying, TRY!'

The fire is lighten up! I put on a smile. I cooked my noodles. Fed myself. I think they are having good time there too. They need it.

It is my attitude other than some unreasonable factors happened in my life that make my life tough. I guess It is me who is timid always. I must be BOLD. Think, plan and DO IT! Don't hold back and think and think again and again. That will not get things done; thus, stress and more stress come. Coz I can't complete all the tasks.

******

I need you to love me. Gals n Guys friends. I need your support, care and hear your voice. Don't leave me behind.