saving navy

When I heard the news, it was two months ago. Ever since then, every day I tell myself I must try to save. However, I will not be stingy but only will be wiser in spending.

Speedless. Felt down for some time. Thinking of why. On the other hand, I am the best person in the best position to understand the circumstances. Have been stop asking why. Knowing that God is in control and the programme will not be closed down and He who is almighty will prosper it.

Next month onwards, finance will be tighter. I do not want to count the percentage of going down but I want to continue to give thanks and cry out to God for shelter and blessing.

I have to hide the shopping list for phone, laptop and clothes. They shall not be 'viewed' at all. It is hard especially I am in need of a good and friendly user phone. In my opinion, in time like this buying another gadget definitely is luxury. I must not indulge in luxury.

Dillemma II

Is it fair? It is not fair. I am watching a dance show on tv that tells me the winner is not the best and worst not great enough to be called the top 3.

Fake is the word. It was done so fast and without hesitation the winner would go to the top and then without any further evaluation they won. What is the system? No system? Where is the quality? Quality is in the head of the egoistic heart.

I feel that it is a disgrace to the nation. The people 'they' favour will be the chosen one whereby the most qualify one is left behind. It has been happening in the nation from politics to education to civil service and now to the dance show. I feel disgusted and annoyed. We are not civilised. Going down to the same par with military country.

Dillemma

Looking at my phone and laptop, it says that I should change either one of them. My hand phone has not been user friendly anymore and it gives me ear pain whenever I answer phone calls. Also, it does not look cool anymore. Secondly, it is my laptop. It is solid, water proof and unique IBM. The company no longer produces this type- it is believed to be the best. Thank God for this laptop. However, it is really not fast enough for me to cope with my work and I no longer can carry it around like I used to. The battery is dead. It is totally not convenient and user friendly.

Longing for a good and user friendly phone yet must look cool. Longing for Ipad- the dream laptop I have been always wanted. It was as though a dream but when Ipad came out I have goosebumps because I always think that a cool laptop should be like that.

Dreams are always dreams. A cool phone can easily costs up to 2k or 3k. I would spend so much for phone for phone price drops easily and rapidly. The cool and good phone on the market is 1.3k to 1.5k and that is consider cheap. Honestly, I do not wish to invest so much on phone. I rather save half of the money and spend only about 700 or 800++ for a good phone. My insight tells me to save but my the other sight tells me that I really need to do something about it.

I want a laptop. Almost buy the Lenovo mini until I watch the ads of Ipad. My taste bugs tell me only go for Ipad as the rest of the computer in the market are out dated except for Apple, IBM and etc.

Open my wardrobe, I am once again suddenly conscious that I need to go for shopping. My body gives me trouble to find suitable clothes. Sometimes it is not about money or brand, it is all about my body and I reject many style simply because I do not like it and they do not look good on me.

These factors always make my day not bright anymore and confident level goes down. Do you feel the same sometimes? I feel it most of the time.

My blog has been a place for me to say this breath and this moment of feeling. I do not know how and why. I was advice that I just gotto to let it happens and go through it.

Why?

Four things I fear most of the time:

1# Being treated with rule manner such as being yelled at and accusation.

2# Wait for answer and payment

3# Easily tired and fatigue

4# Running out of supply especially stationary

The last fear I can overcome it most of the time and God has never fail to provide me enough. However, the top three fears always visit me day in and day out. Sometimes they win, sometimes I win. Recently, I experience a lot of their visit in every corner of my life.

I ask God have I not been faithful. Did I ever owe God anything that I forgot to pay Him back? Why do I have to go through all these? Why and for what?

Others did not need to go through all of these and sometimes they even demand without feeling what is shameful and their moral values. Have I not done what I should do? Why I have to go through all these?

My teaching days

I tell myself I got to blog.

1. Do not let normal young children go home schooling

Case 1:

A young tall six year old boy, wearing sporty shirt and most probably his favourite sports shoes. He smiles but his face is always pale and tired.

Entring the centre, holding his mother's hand tightly. He no longer talks so much but sits down on the sofa with his sister. Walking towards the classroom door that is just about 15 steps of walking from the sofa, the boy anxiously turns his head to look at his mother and non stop calling his mother. Almost-in tears.

Mummy has to say yes to go to the classroom with him. Sitting down and feeling even down. Looking at his test paper but his eyes keep rolling to peak whether the mummy is around or not.

Observation: This is not usual for six year old child especially being so dependent and anxious to enter a classroom.

Investigation: Home schooling. Totally a healthy boy. Learning from few very famous and good programme, local and international programme. BUT, it has been always in a small group, as small as not more than 5 children in a class. Literally study at home. No social life, no social skill, never been exposed to classroom atmosphere and classroom based- learning and that result in hardly learn social skill and has any opportunity to be trained to be independant.

Opinion and feelings: He is not my son. His future only God knows and if the parents never believe in any school or classroom his mind will be stimulated like any other person. Hence, he might not know or have survival skill, social skill, leadership skill,charisma, practicality, speed and accuracy in handling work. Growing up will be a hard process for him, adapting in the 'work out there' and work place will be... I have no words anymore.

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Case 2:

Born with heart problem. Slow almost more than a year compare to his peer. Family is always busy like any other family. Being train to do work with accuracy and speed. Made understood that learning is part of life and he has to study no matter how.

Emotional boy is him. Manja boy is also him.

Observation: Attend normal school. Do worksheets given with slower speed than any children - as his heart will make him feel tired easily and sometimes hard to breath. As time pass, he is stronger physically and mentally. Parents send him for swimming and excuses such as suddenly feel tired to skip school or skip any classes are hardly attended.

Result: Math, English, Bahasa Malaysia and social skill have improved a lot. Beyond expectation. From day 1, no totally and almost literate, til now master the basic of all the core subjects.

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Shopping trip: Do not believe and listen to what sales person says when you are the FIRST TIME talking to the person.

I went to the wholesaler of stationary. Thinking they would have at least cheaper deal from other book shops.

The sales person opens her mouth saying the three brands that are 'branded' stationary and they only specialise in suppling 'branded' stationary to big companies and small domestic companies. Out from the three, only one brand I would say is branded, the one every household would use but mummy sure complains when we asks her to restock for us - the Pilot.

I request specially for certain brands for pens, erasers and pencils. They have none of the brands I name.

The next thing from her is those brands are 'China products, not good one, no customers request one la, a lot of problems one and they are not the branded name.' I still smiling and politely state my disagreement 'Then, let me show you this, sure suits your price' follow her to walk to a big bunch of boxes and she takes out the pens to show me. MY GOSH! The brand I dislike the most.

I thank her and left.

Opinion and feelings: I grow up in bookshop at a Convent School and never fail to follow mummy to the main supplier for stationary to get stocks and never fail to try out all brands that mummy's company could offer.

Perhaps from my appearance, it does not show at all I have experience with a lot of stationary in the market but Please do not tell me that the brands I am looking for are not good. We love the brand as it makes us feel even want to write more, mark more books and after using the brand we do not want any brand anymore.

Moreover, when I find out the price from them. My jaw wants to drop. The price is almost tripple higher. We drive to local bookshop and get discount from the owner. Although it is not the brand I want, it is reasonable and I have tested the brand before it is good. The price is still almost double lower than the wholesaler. Customers OUT THERE watch out!