First day = NO DIRECTION

today is the first day of class. I am angry with myself coz I am half confused, lost, struggling to know how and scared. I have forgotten a lot about teaching, theories, language acqusition... blah blah whatever jargon you can name it. I think I have lost my memory. 

I am sitting in one of the famous; everyone had his first time before Cafeteria; starbucks. I still don't like starbucks. The name reminds me of poeple and politic I have been through. However, I am a consumer; a smart and capitalist consumer; I will choose to go to the nearest, most convenient and comfortable bewteen 'Bucks' and 'Bean'. Sitting in Bucks bring to thinking mode. Whether I want to do join this line to work. Also, the memories of working as Barista in Coffee Bean for the past two and a half months. I have become so sensitive to service and how this line targets consumers and make them buy their drinks and still believe that they are premium and the best. I was a Bucks customer until I found out the poeple and politic in Bucks and until I come to know more about the coffees Beans offer. 

Back to I think I have lost my memory. I think I have really lost my memory. I spent almost 3 hours in Bucks, reading some of the profoma coz I have nothing in mind to do other than reread my profoma to hope that I read between the lines what lecturers want me to fulfill their classes and to find clues to know how to manage these papers, think ahead, explore and explode to know assignments. Is it the wrong of the barista or the table or the environment or the songs? I think the root problem is I have no direction when I have arrived in Bucks. NO DIRECTION opens door to anything that could make me side track. I was also carried away by looking at friends already have direction and they start doing it. These two situations strike anxiety to control over my body and mind. I am worried and afraid when I am in this stage and this feeling. I hate it!

No one can help me. It is about direction I choose and where I head to, my personality and how fast my mind can think. I want to stop blaming some causes that I have identified before that actually caused my brain to be slower. I just want to make my brain and my heart stop focusing on these factors and break through. 

I believe and see that the new step to add to 'How to become a strong consistent Christian' is  BREAK THROUGH. I wrote this on my personal planner as I really see that in our growth as the child of God, passion for Him - included serving, praying, close to Him, read His words to grow, the want to break through and let God hold you to fly with Him is a need to add in Christian's life. One will not want to change even he or she already believe unless he or she has the passion and the want to break through to live a victorious life. I want to fly with God like what He shows me. I want to break through, I want to fly. 

Back to NO DIRECTION. I am yet to think which direction I want to go. I have decided to stay with all the courage, understanding and realization. Yet, I still have no direction to go which one. I left 5 months.

I have come to a point that I must say that I am no longer the brilliant gal I used to be. I am no longer having the sharp memory I always have. But, this does not mean I will give up in life. I move on. 

First visit... Yeah! Happy one!

Day 1

Finally I went to his house. It has been a prayer item for a long time already. I am thankful that God has been so understanding and faithful. He already knows all and bring me there. I am thankful that He was with me. The first visitation was great and I love his house. I love the simple life and the simple neighbourhood. I still believe that simplicity is the best way of life to be able to keep ourselves to live our lives and love the poeple God places among us in this complicated world. 

Another happy moment is drink home cook soup and have cookies to bring home! XD I know that all these are blessing of God that my human mind has never thought so. :)

     

Day 2

His mother was very thoughtful. She bought me lunch and cooked us dinner. We wrapped christmas gifts, went to Jusco and walked around his neighbourhood after dinner. Simple yet it was filled with sincerity and pure joy. Thank you Jesus for love and blessing come from You. 

Day 3

hehehe... well, today is day 3. I am still sitting at home blogging. I am suppose to walk to take taxi to lrt but I just can't help it to blog all these out. Juayn has cooked her mom's tong yun for me xD ... another mom at home to love me... I love her too... Today I will join Kee Aun and his family and church members for christmas eve celebration. Thinking back, I have never spend any christmas or christmas eve with family in local church :) This is really my frist time. Most of the time I will go for mission trip at different places. Carolling, sharing, praying and eat all night long during Christmas :) Can't wait for tonight. Later Kee Aun's father will teach me how to cook smash potato :P Yeah! 

MPO night

The first day I arrived in KL, I went for MPO concert-'Lord of the Ring'. This is a concert Ben has been planning and booked for 60 poeple. 

Thanks to Ben. It was our first MPO concert :) My sweet girlfriend went with me, Juayn. It used to be YingYing who goes with me but she is spending time with family for Christmas holiday when this MPO night is happening :) 

Guess what? I met Ms. Phon in KLCC and she also went for the same concert. I just can't get out from the Jaya One circle of friends I guess XD I was very happy to see her actually but we didn't have time for conversation and she still remember me. She is very sweet. 

The boy was amazing! His voice touches my heart! When he sings, I wish he keep singing. We also took photos with the conductor Mr. Markus Hebus and the suprano boy, Andrew. The father of Andrew was delighted and the smile of his face tells that how grateful and proud he feels for his son. :)

Yeah, I do!

I already have 4 things out of the 5 things I want for Christmas. I managed to get tickets from Penang to KL, I am going to join Kee Aun's family for Christmas service, I still don't have Dreaming but I have Oceanus and it makes me smell very good too. Lastly, phone. Looking for a phone with more reasonable price then will purchase it. Hehehehe. I am so contented that I could do almost 90% of what I want. 

5 things I want for Christmas...

What I want for Christmas? Too many... I must be careful to wish for what I want :)

1. 2 bus tickets to go back PJ safely on 18th december.

2. *still in prayer* hopefully things could go smoothly to go to church with Kee Aun for Christmas service

3.  I want to be 'Dream Girl' :P ... no more 'True Star'... I guess it is time to change and accept a new one

4. I want a tool for me to call cheaper and talk with a more peaceful heart - Sony Ericson W380i

5. Last but not least, no Recession... *eyes closed tight* I hope Lord will make ways when it seems to be no ways... If recession... it means... less 'tong ku' to eat during CNY, less ang pow, most family will have problem in surviving, no more fruits, no more phone calls, no more coffee bean coffee, harder to find a job, maybe even can't further to master class..... It is really a hard time... 

I really pray for this to happen... at least a time or moment for me to wish something... I have not wish for material for a long time di... :)

 

'si poayling's homecoming'

The trip return home gives me thoughts and realization. It is amazing that so much has changed. Right now, I could stand on the peak of the mountain and say that not a day Jesus' hand is away from making changes in my family and poeple in my family.

I dislike the feeling of being captured on this island. Everyone knows everyone's family. It is so small that sometimes we become lazy; at the same time, it is because it is small that people could work effectively. I want to explore more out from this small island. I always think different from the norm in the island. Yet, this homecoming makes me realise that there are some ways in life I could not escape but follow the same. Although I want to be different from the norm, I believe that what I come to realise will not go to waste. Break through is the way and follow good examples is what I should do. 

One death; one just made new life; one started new life with loved one and one family came back so far from this island. Looking back this year, these much I encountered. The death of my childhood cousin. Suicide. He had nothing lack in his life except love and Christ. Once again I prayed that his soul rest in peace *sigh and sob*.  At the same time, lives still go on. Cousins married; cousin becomes father soon and auntie and family fly back from the State to visit. 

I come to see and being reminded again what is serving. More than what I know all this while. From KeeAun's latest post, I come to see realise that each person you could love regardless they are believer or not is a serving as a follower of Christ. Thessalonians 13 to 15  "Patient"  captures my attention and brings me to think and also put this into action. When I read these verses, I truly thank God for putting me in the family of Pastor Lim to experience and learn how to break through from routine life, the norm belief, culture bondage, following what the crowds do or following church leaders without thinking whether the actions are right or wrong, how to love, how to be patient and simple love to lasting love. It is only through actions of love others see the difference and the truth, the way and the life in Jesus. 

Pray for me that I have patient for each one I serve :) 

For whom I have come to know, I can't wait to listen to you and hear the noise and jokes you make. 

'Aku hanya mahu ke seberang'

*Finally blogspot is finally back to normal.*

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A date to remember

Weeks before I returned home, I had a meaningful lunch date with Dato' Hashim Yaccob. Our previous Vice Chancellor. 

I dedicate this blog to this man, Dato Hashim. A man who just want to go across. A humble man even he already crossed over. His humorous personality always capture our laugther. Humble sharing of his background and his past made my heart touch. He is someone would not cross your mind that he is someone 'from across the other side'.

When he walked into the restaurant, he was with his coat and tie. Look smart and humourously cute even he is an elder friend. His presence made us feel honoured and happy. Yes, just happy and feel excited to know this new friend more. He fed us like a father during our lunch and most of the time he talked to us like father. 

We went up to his office coz I really wish to look at the photo of him and his mother when he was small. As I stepped into the office, everyone looked at us. I felt the atmosphere changed. They paid close attention to these two girls who were enjoying talking and laughing with Dato Hashim more than what they are typing on their computers. 

The big photo of his mother and him placed right in front of him. The photo bring my mind back home. The setting is exactly like my mother's home; rumah atap; kampung house with lots of trees. 

Dato Hashim broke the silence in his office, ' I am just the son of a rubber tapper... I climbed very hard...very hard'. I was overwhelmed by his sharing. I was touched. Tears flooded til my throat but I managed to control. Then, he shared with us something precious. His book- 'Aku hanya mahu ke seberang'. This is book has all his best poems. He won the prices for his poem and acknowledged by Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka. This term 'Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka' appeals so close to me now coz I hear the poet speaks.

This poet read his best poems for us. they were about his father and mother. Tears controlled both of us and found his way out from our eyes as we listened to this poet read his poems. Hardship, poverty and love of parents had brought him across to the other side. He climbed so hard just to sail across but he never forget about his identity, not ashame of his background and never forget who he is. Not to forget his beloved wife who gives him so much love, happiness and support all these years along the hard road. The poet speaks with true sharing and emotions.

We walked out from his office sobbing and smilling.

It will never be a day of joy if we never be thankful for what we have;
It will never be a fruitful life if we never put in our best and hard work;
we will never have a chance to look back and feel satisfied if we give up fast and blame everything but ourselve.

This is the photo of the man who wants to go across

 

I don't know what happen to my blog I can't upload any photos. I typed a long blog yesterday and in a sudden every was gone! It can't be saved to be posted later... AAAAAhhhhh.... :,<

my blog readers I am sorry for the late update...

Behind all the F.R.O.T.H...

Every morning about 7.45, my faithful Angela will wake up to fetch  me to work using Juayn's car(Look at her photo-the first one- and it will tell you all). Angela's shift is 10am and a break in bewteen until 10pm. Yet, without fail she will wake up every morning to send us to work. A big muak and hug for her. At the same time, Juayn follows me for opening shift to save parking fee. I feel tired most of the time bcoz i work till late at night and sometimes 'lepak' at mamak to catch up with others. Juayn is as if another Coffee Bean worker coz she accompanies me to work every morning and the rountine morning has educated her about our SOP. LOL! 

I worked back to back. Morning as Barista and evening as florist.  The three of us looked like  'zombies' mushrooming the coffee house in  Jaya One...I worked back to back. Morning as Barista and evening as florist.  The three of us looked like  'zombies' mushrooming the coffee house in  Jaya One...

Behind the tired zombie face, I still  lots of memories to  smile and laugh about.  Gesel is a sweet lady I know in Frontera. She is from Mexico and here is her new home. Her beautiful eyes tell me that Mexicans are friendly people.

The sweet memories in Gemini Creation. A place where you have freedom to arrange and manage the shop; at the same time; bearing the risk of rejection.






Behind all these, my prayer warrior and love... His prayer, patience and his care keep me alive throughout the hectic and tight working schedule. 

What time I go back home? Everyday back to back, 10pm and sometimes 1.30am. It is not because of 'lepak'-ing but working. However, it has ended at least for awhile til I graduate. What I gain throughtout these two and a half months is not the money. I gained more than I expected. What makes my working life interesting and happy is the poeple. Friends and great poeple. We need each other in life. We must also always look at the things we have and be contented and thankful. I want to dedicate this blog to my friends, Juayn, Angela, Kee Aun, Ms. Weng and not to forget Mable, Auntie Liz and Sarah, who are in the photos. Without them, I could have done nothing much. I love them and Grace is the blessing God gives me. His grace allows me to learn, to go through his test and still give thanks no matter what I get on each day. 

A series of events in Bean's house

"When you are happy and you know it, clap your hands" I give thousand CLAPPPPSSSS... All start well that ends well.  

I went to my hair stylist on the last day of work in Coffee Bean. He did a great job on my hair. I am very happy with his work. Oh.. wait.. Let me introduce them one by one for you. The round guy in red shirt in the middle is 'Papa Bear' aka Sharul and the slim shaddy guy next to Papa Bear is Azraine, also well known as 'Abang yang Handsome' (His face shines when you called him this name) and also 'Bang-nana' (Be careful when you called him this name...he would 'bang' your face)

See! Papa bear was so happy when Juayn helped us to take our 'Bean Family's photo. The sleepy guy next to me is 'Sifu' aka Anizam.  All of them are expert in Coffee and Tea...most of all, they all are expert in solving unexpected problems and bombss... and bombs... and bombs...  



My hairstylist Joseph and Jason. They make me beautiful and merry. Trust me, they are professional.
Come to Jaya One.  Tell them that I tell you about them when you go to them for styling your hair.

Finally the camera lady; also the other piece of the family; is in the photo. 'CLAP CLAP CLAP' she is our Juayn.  I love this photo. It means friendship, trust, happiness, blessing and family. It also strongly representing F.R.O.T.H. The Bean Family knows and I believe that we have achieved F.R.O.T.H. in Jaya One outlet. 

I still miss them and they are in my heart. 

By the end of the day

I hurt myself today... work... I was pissed... However, by the end of the day, I was happy and satisfied. I come to see that I know a lot of new faces in my life.

By the end of the day, what matters the most is the poeple you come to know. It is not about how much you get in a day. It is about enjoying your work and the company of other poeple. I am glad to say that I am satisfied and thankful to come to learn a lot of new things, PR skill, great experiences and most of all a group of great people.

I will be leaving Jaya One soon to go back home for my mommy and daddy. I suddenly realise I feel down and heavy to leave the poeple I love to work with. I have to choose between money and home. I choose home and the person whom I have come to know.

I want to tell my friends, Juayn, Angela, Mable, Kee Aun and my collegues in Coffee Bean 'I love you all and I can't make it and go through all the ups and downs at work without you all' A hug for survival and a kiss for remembrance and a blog for acknowledgement. Lastly, all grace comes from God. ThankS JC! You are real and truth.

Get things done

I am so tired now yet I have to get up to work. Like Pastor Wilson preached we can't wait for the feeling to come to do something but we must just do it to get things done.

Thanks to Sukur. I ate Wendy's nuggest. However, when I opened the box I was so dissapointed. It has just 6 tiny small pieces of nuggets!!!!!!! i kept half for Juayn and bought a shrimp burger for her and chickens for Sharul and Levi.

I hope I can melt at home... smelling my bed but I have to get up and work now...

Love you all who take efforts to read my blog.

Complication in society

It is as if I am such a out-dated blogger. Everyone is blogging with their best language and throw out their feelings. I have done nothing to update this blog so far.

I don't know what to blog about when I don't have a sharp mind, an analytical brain and sensitive soul to feel what is going around me.

This stage of life is the first I feel. Suddenly I am push to climb up high yet I don't know what I am lack of to make me climb higher. Stepping into working world has widen my insight and realizing how does this world works. I see many flaws of mine to be in this world. When I am in a group of people whom I just come to know. Poeple tend to judge me according to their standard. I am as if accepted to do something to impress them and to do anything to show my respect just to gain a bit of their attention and respect back. Taking a job from your boss is also meaning you have work hard and tough to show him or her that you are worth paying his or her money and favour to take you in the company *sickening* After watching Max Payne, my feelings were moved even more. This is really how the world works - people, connection, relation, money and status. To certain extand of my disappointment, even brothers and sisters are treating each other like that. Who are you to judge? Your standard is not any better than any man? Who to blame? How to tear off this desctruction? No one to blame I think. It is just the way the world is and we live in this world. *back to the noise after the rain coming from my window, the sound of car engine and the voice of children screaming downstairs*

I don't want to change to suite into the world. My stubborn soul does not want to change any. Pushing and kicking me to change... In anger, pain, sadness, jealousy and rejection, my stubborness gives some ways to changes. This growing and learning process is really unbearable... I feel like screaming... alone in my room when no one wants to talk and when no one wants to care. They rather in their own world thinking as long as I feel good and does no harm - I don't care and live in my own world.

Throwing out all my anger does not much help especially to my readers and I can't change the world. I am a fighter. But this fighter fell down on the floor on the way to battle. In the midst of this unbearable process, only one voice has in this deep darkness with me. Asking me to be still, telling me I could trust him but trust Him more than man. I have nothing more but Him in my life. I have seen none others but him. I am binded by love, made happy by love and bleed because of love. Love is meant to me painful. Crusifiction is the best spiritually and physically proof.

I think it is how we choose to live and what is our focus by the end of the day. To choose to serve One Master only and along and in the complication we still focus in faith.

* I hope the one whom I have come to know read this. To share about what is inside my heart *

Suddenly I see...

So, he came telling me that he is thinking about be one of the wakil Mahasiswa for UM and run the democracy election.  The first thing came to my mind was, 'WHAT?' and 'Can he be the next Wakil Raykat to the Parlimen?' and meet our Prime Minister to talk about serious business. Then, I will got the chance to be Datin... LOL.. LOL... I know... I am dreaming... It is just a thought... not even there yet... and it is just the wakil Mahasiswa for TESL or UM... LOL... 

My first response 'WHAT???????!!!' It was so loud that the whole neighbourhood could hear me. LOL... well, it is his wild, daring and love challenges character  of him that I love too... I still accept him for who he is... and still love him for who he is :) Although I was shock, I still give him full support in whatever ways I can because I love him.  

Stay clean and cool! Service above yourself and for Him we serve :) 

I want to get pregnant... :P

I cried at the end of the movie. Her deliverance really x 10 scared me but I cried when the 9 months old baby is carried away from her .  

This crazy and stupid feeling filled me. I want to get pregnant with the husband I love BUT not now. Look at how much food Juno eats! I wonder my husband could afford to feed me. I feel the same feelings and thoughts like Juno, will my hubby still call me 'Hon' and rub my belly and talk together like 2 crazy little children when I am huge, easily tired, pee like crazy and tend to have mood swing? This is the beauty of life... With the man you love and you feel secure with forever... 

He suddenly appeared during my first day of work!

Yeah! His car is fixed and he paid me a visit on my first day even he was rushing.... :) Thanks for coming. Your presence speaks a thousand words and it is better than a bouquet of roses... 

xoxo

So, my first day... I only made a cup of Ice blended Banana... I am not allowed to touch other things yet... I learnt to touch a bit of that "WAJAR PRICE" coffee machine... I am happy and enjoy working there as I am a coffee lover and whenever I smell coffee I am happy. When I learn how to make and touch the machine then serve it to people... I just love it! :) hehe... 

same rate

I had a bad day and his car broke down. 

LOL! It has been always like that... I know how does it feel... But, we still have each other and we are going through this together... 

:) xoxo

I had a bad day...

Here gone my red devil house slippers! My cool and delicious Dao Fu Fah fell on the kitchen floor and it splashed around the whole kitchen. My poor slippers and floor mat are gone. The floor mat should be thrown away long ago coz it was really dirty. I cleaned part of the blocking sink today and some of the water splashed on the floor map. 

A moment of silence for my slippers... they are my favourite... (crying... sniffed)... 

Xi Lai...

Today is my rest day BUT the irony is I have to clean the stinky kitchen. Oh poeple, pleasa be considerate next time. Don't leave us the mess to clean up! 

Just thought of leaving some words in here and agian as it is my rest day. I will rest more later. Sleeping beauty :P

xoxo

SILLY MISTAKES >.<

Thanks for pointing out the silly mistake I made in the blog title. Thanks, Kea Aun. I really didn't notice it. All I wanted to put is really 'It's all because of love and grace' and I really didn't notice that after i typed it there. I was rushing for holiday I guess. Now, I feel bad and such a failure... feel that this perfectionist has just fell down to the floor... Still, I thank Kee Aun for telling me. 

My lecturer is an actor!

Check out this linK:
http://star-ecentral.com/news/story.asp?file=/2008/9/17/movies/2006367&sec=movies

My lecture acted in the film! Mr. Lim Teik Leong! He is in the photo, sitting next to Mr. Kee Thuan Chye (The editor of Mind your English)

He looks so cute! Haha! 

I want to use my personal blog to give thanks to my students in 4C again for their effort in updating the blogs, leaving comments and encouragement for me. I really appreciate all that and I really mean it.

Those who gave me cards with their handwriting and handmade gifts from 4C. They would be one of my treasures. Thanks once again. They really mean a lot to me. 

Teaching 4C and 4I has been a challenge for me as these two claases have a big gap in interest, class culture, talent and even proficiency level. 4I is not the weak one but both classes have a gap in their proficiency level. We all are still learning. However, one thing I am sure these two classes have in common is they enjoy role-play activity ;)

The saying says 'It is the moutain we conquer but it is ourselves' and it is very true. 

For the past 10 weeks, I learnt more than I expect. I have hard times as a trainee teacher as there are many things I have never come across. I worked as HR executive assistance and clerk, cashier, customer service and etc. yet teaching is none like them. It is a profession which demands passion, endless care and strong characters.

I hope my other friends who went for teaching practice could be movitated and inspired to be teachers. At least I am ONE yet I am still considering to be or not to be a teacher. It is not easy. Don't think that it is because we can't get better offered that we go into teaching. That is the result of what disappointed teachers might behave for a moment as if it is because they have no other jobs. They were once passionate, energetic, beautiful and brave just that the later generation will have no chance to see and experience her lessons. 

What do you think about being teachers? If any teacher ever come across your mind, start to appriciate he/she. Give her a smile, greet her, give her a call and etc. 

Politeness

There is always a worry of writing down what in my blog for my readers. Will they view me as who I am or they look at me in the opposite. I am not a person who is good in words or expressing myself but I am still trying. 

Sitting at the side among the crowd... quietly breathing... Observing how and what others talk... Accompany my friend to pay her 'saman'... The receptionist looks tired... Perhaps it is during fasting month yet I see that she must has been hearing a lot of complains everyday... and... who would want to give a cheerful smile when you have to pay saman? Right??! 

I wonder how is her every morning. No one will smile to her when they go to pay their saman. Will you still smile to the receptionist when you have to pay your RM100 saman? Human nature - NO. One thing I want to suggest is politeness. That's all. Even it is their fault, try to be polite. I am not saying that you should let others climb on your head but hold your head and still be polite. Even it is not your fault. 

Deep breathe... blinking and thinking... Perhaps I am being sarcastic but sometimes human tend to be self-centred... That is the cause of most of the problems...  Believe me... think again... deeper... It is true... I am,again, sitting as if I am not listening but actually I am... listening to people's unreasonable complaints... I can't stay much as I know whatever I say would not help coz my friend is still 'on fire'! 

We went to the night market to get some food for our dinner... I bought some plums from a fruit stalls. This dark skinned man, put up a smile, talk to us politely the fresh fruits they have and what fruits they want to lelong... He politely handed us the basket and took the fruits from our hands. When he returned us the change, he was still very polite, he gave the change back using right hand and sort of bouced a bit to thank us. Woow! I am impressed. This is because I see that some highly educated scholar, students, politicians and even gorgeous drivers on the road tend to abuse manner when they talk and behave. This middle age fruit seller could just serve much better. Mind your manner all Malaysians! Sometimes we would forget or seldom do that. It is ok, let's us mind our manner from now!

What mood do you have while reading this blog? What are the tones in your mind while reading? I hope my sharing is an encouragement. Remember, Politeness is the best way to treat others we do not know.

Pls do me a favour... say 'E' with a longer breath... YEAH! SMILE =E... good! hehe...