I am down with sickness

I am down with sickness and my heart was beaten up with sadness.

I ask God to show me why I work so hard.

I cannot effort to allow too much chaotic happens and I will clean up messiness.

I will give all my parents at least an answer.

I will not quit my responsibility even I am very sick or it has nothing to do with me.

Is it because I am a perfectionist or it is a good character?

I also don't know why when things go bad, I am as though the victim to be angry at and release tension. First from both of my parents then my parents then from the people I care and love.

I defend myself but the tension still keep coming.

What should I do?

Patient?

Care again?

Not to feel?

Sometimes, spend my time loving myself is better. At least I will have a good treatment for myself.