leaving for good

Dear God,

It hurts to know the difference.

Am I worth so little?

I am doing a job more than I am paid for. The demands are always more than the supply.

The treatment from my department and among my colleagues is not something anybody can accept.

I take a deep breathe to swallow many humble pies and orders. My stomach pains.

I kept thinking what went wrong. Did I say something wrong during the interview? during the meeting? with parents? with who else?

I kept telling myself it is fine, the amount does not determine my ability and skills, I kept telling myself promotion comes from the Lord and try to ignore what had happened. I preserve for a long time, taking it with patience and love.

Every morning I still hard that You bless the School.

However, there is a little voice in my heart, unsettled, asking, am I really worth that much only? By grace I am here not by work but is it whatever I had done can't even please You a little?

God, what do you want to comment about my blog? You commented so much to your servants and each and every servants you let them go through suffering for good. Am I going through your special plan now?

I cannot understand why the School gives me many sweet tongues, sweet promises and sweet talk. Perhaps I was naive to believe.

God, I still do. With love and patience.

God, I tell myself I do it for You. Am I not pleasing you again?

I felt hurt and lost. I know very well what to do - still do my best.

Pastor preached with love - do not give in to disappointment to meet the divine destiny.

God, I do not know how. Did you forget me?

My friends who read my blog might be laughing at me for they say this is the trouble I put myself into and I ask for it.

I have nothing to say much, God. Am I forgotten?

I cannot pretend nothing happen.

Thank you that by your grace I rent my house.